


Dig in Your Heels

by rowanoak



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 17:25:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4400810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanoak/pseuds/rowanoak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If you really loved me then you’d stay” Rings through your head.  The way Laura’s lip quivered broke your heart more than you care to admit. Tears started to peak out from the corner of her eyes and you knew you needed to get out of the apartment before you caved. You weren’t going to give in this time. You were not going to turn against your sister. This is the final straw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dig in Your Heels

**Author's Note:**

> A quick drabble of what I think Carmilla does after leaving the shot in 2x15.

You are done. You are really done. Ever since you had returned to the campus she was doing nothing but putting you up on some pedestal and showing you off to the student body as the Hero Who Saved Silas. That is not who you are. When you jumped into that godforsaken pit you did it for one reason and one reason only, and that was Laura. She was going to die if you hadn’t stepped in and you couldn’t handle the thought of that. It was purely coincidence that saving Laura aligned right with saving the other students.

You bust out of your mother’s apartment and head straight for the woods. You don’t know where you’re going but it has to be better than staying. You pull out a cigarette and your lighter as you walk swiftly. You are sure she isn’t going to follow you but it is probably best to vacate the premises as soon as possible. The moon is shining brightly through the trees and the air is crisp. Your boots crunch into the two day old snow and ice. The poisonous stick of tobacco is at your lips as you flick the lighter on. A spark appears but doesn’t catch. Just your fucking luck; it’s out of fuel. 

The weight of the last week hits you like a freight train (you do know what it feels like to be hit by one). Anger builds up in your chest and you use your pyrokinesis to light the damn cigarette. Not only did you manage to light the cigarette but you also manage to burn a twenty foot in diameter circle into the ground beneath you. Whatever.

You keep walking. You walk for hours it seems like. You need space. She doesn’t understand. You wonder if she’ll ever understand. Everything in life couldn’t be split into categories of good and evil. How the hell did she even come to be dating you? All the lives you’ve taken, all the blood that has stained your palms and taken days to wash out of your clothes. She doesn’t know the half of it.

You wonder if she could ever truly love you if she knew about every single terrible thing you’ve ever done. Like that one time you killed a single father of two children in bar fight and drained him of his blood in an alleyway. You hadn’t known at the time that he had two children at home (a four year old girl and an eight year old boy), and you can’t even remember what the brawl had been about. But it had happened. You worked behind the scenes to find a good foster home for the children, and provided them with a hefty amount of euros in a bank account they could use when they turned eighteen, but you were never going to be able to give them their father back.

Memories of petty homicides flood your brain and you feel like you are going to throw up. Which you won’t because you haven’t eaten enough solid food in the past few days to have anything in your stomach, but the idea of dry heaving is unappealing. You are a monster. You knew it, everyone else knew it, but Laura is the only one who can’t accept it. 

“If you really loved me then you’d stay” Rings through your head. The way Laura’s lip quivered broke your heart more than you care to admit. Tears started to peak out from the corner of her eyes and you knew you needed to get out of the apartment before you caved. You aren’t going to give in this time. You are not going to turn against your sister. This is the final straw.

You reach an opening in the woods, you think you’re on a mountain now but you don’t know for sure. Sitting down on a rock, you put your face in your hands. You’re sure you love Laura. You’ve been around long enough to know what falling in love feels like, and you know you’re falling fast. The memory of how warm her skin felt against yours the morning after stargazing floods your mind. How your body fit so perfectly into hers, and how her breath tickled your neck, and how her sleeping heart-rate beat so softly against your back. The way the morning light shined on her body made your stomach swirl in knots. You are in love with her and there’s nothing you can do about it. 

Besides leave her, which you’re not even sure if you can do.

You feel sick again as Mattie’s threats ring in your head. If you left, Mattie would kill her. You have to go back. No matter how angry you are at Laura and how you might have just ended your extremely short lived relationship, you would never forgive yourself if she died. 

You push yourself off the rock you were precariously perched on and start to head down the mountain. It would be several hours until you returned to Silas and you could only hope that your mind would clear enough to not completely melt into Laura when you returned. This wasn’t going to go away easily. You wouldn't let it. You were going to stand your ground and not let her walk over you. 

Laura Hollis might be stubborn, but so are you. You’re going to keep her alive, but you’re not going to be the first one to break and apologize.


End file.
